Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!
The husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later. Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.
"Do you realize what time it is?" she asked.
He answered, "Don't get excited. I'm late because I bought something for the house."
Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked, "What did you buy for the house, dear?"
His answer was, "A round of drinks!"
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He only brought enough money for one beer though.
As he's drinking his beer, which was quite expensive, he realizes how bad he has to go to the bathroom. Not wanting anyone to drink his expensive beer, he takes out a 3x5 note card and writes on it, "I SPIT IN THIS BEER", and walks to the bathroom.
When he comes back about 15 minutes later, there's another 3x5 note card next to his beer saying, "I SPIT IN IT TOO".
McPherson walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
"S'cuse me," said another bar patron, who was puzzled over what McPherson had done. "What was that all about?"
"Nothing," said the Irishman, "my wife sent me out for a jar of olives."
A group of loud and rowdy drunks were making a racket in the street. It was the wee small hours of the morning and the lady of the house flung open a window and shouted at them to keep quiet.
"Is this where Frank lives?" one of the drunks asked.
"Yes, it is," the woman replied.
"Well then," said the drunk, "Could you come and pick him out so the rest of us can go home?"
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the barman "Can I have a drink for me and one for the road?"